Working mum life: Career hurdles, breastfeeding and sick kids

A changing idea of what being a mum would mean

I’ve always wanted to be a mum. I’m very maternal, love kids and knew this was what I wanted in my future. My mum went back full-time when I was 7 months old — and I had a career that I enjoyed, so I thought I’d do the same.

I had a “traditional” route to having a baby. Fell in love, got married and then decided it was time to add a little mini into the mix. In July 2021 I was very fortunate to find out I was pregnant, and at this moment something shifted. That “mama bear” instinct you hear of? I felt it real and fierce so I protected that bump. I googled “can I eat xxx when pregnant” more times than you can imagine. I was “that” pregnant person. What also shifted was the desire to go back to work so soon. I began thinking of the life I’d have with Squish (our nickname for baby!) and dreamed of all of the things we would do together. I realised that I would need a slower transition back to work. I will admit I had many conversations with my husband about whether we could afford for me to be a stay-at-home mum for a bit longer, I loved it that much! Sadly, the cost of living, mortgages, damn adult stuff meant that it was not possible. I also knew that I did want to use my brain for non-baby things and progress in my career. 

Career hurdles… while family planning

Prior to Private Media, I was in a very stable job that I’d been at for 8 years. I knew everything, was comfortable in the role but wasn’t being challenged. The thing people not in family planning mode might not know, is that women (in particular) have a lot more hurdles when considering career moves whilst family planning. Where someone who does not want kids may just think, “this job doesn’t serve me anymore, I’ll move on”, or maybe, “I think it’s time for a new challenge”, a woman who is planning to have a baby doesn’t always have that luxury. We have an inner voice that tells us “I’m planning to have a baby soon, I can’t start a new job!”, or “I get paid maternity leave here, so I better stay”, or “I’ll need flexibility so I should stay where I am”, or even “What will I do when my child inevitably gets sick from childcare and I don’t have any sick leave ”. This results in women being, for lack of a better word, trapped. And they shouldn’t be! But this is a theme I have heard a lot during my HR career, and when I talk to my mothers’ group or other mums online. The considerations are different, and it’s hard to balance your desire for career progression, stability, flexibility and family planning all in one.

Returning to work… while breastfeeding

So fast forward to 8 months post-partum and my husband had the opportunity to take parental leave. Whilst I was not ready, I wanted him to do it because far too many men don’t get enough time with their kids at this early age and it’s time you never get back. Which was equally anxiety-inducing for me, because it meant I was missing out on that time.

Cue many many many tears. So I was leaving my little 8 month breastfed baby, to return to work. At this point, I had never spent more than maybe 1 hour apart and now I was leaving him all day. On top of that, he wasn’t taking a bottle so how was I going to be in the office in the city and my exclusively breastfed baby be 37km away at home? 

There are so many things to consider when returning to work. Breastfeeding / pumping, flexibility for hours, taking leave, location, childcare pickups.

And it can be damn hard to discuss this with your employer. While there are plenty of great employers out there, sadly there are still many that aren’t supportive and flexible enough, with outdated policies that don’t account for each individual’s unique circumstances. In my experience, what is needed is a truly empathetic and understanding approach in order to help women back to work.

Starting a new job… as a new mum

So let’s fast forward again. At the start of 2023, after being back at work for 2.5 months, I started a new job! Scary! A new job? When I have a small child? How the hell was I going to do this? I never thought I’d move jobs at that time in my life. I was lucky enough to meet Ai Mawdsley, and she listened. She got it. Not only because she too is a mum, but because she is passionate about women in work, diversity and inclusion and knows the challenges that being a woman, can bring. I was surprised by the flexibility and support I got before I’d even signed on the dotted line. Maybe I could do this after all!

I’m over 2 months in. It’s been amazing so far. It’s fun to learn something new. But starting a new job is scary, you want to impress and show they made a good decision hiring you, but at the same time you’re just waiting for a call from childcare saying your kid is unwell and you need to drop everything to be there. Being part-time has its challenges too. You need to be so organised! You need to manage expectations around availability, deadlines and you need to set boundaries about work vs personal time, which can be challenging. Meanwhile, you question yourself. Are they going to think I’m not competent, or not committed? Impostor syndrome creeps in… Being a working parent is damn hard.

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So why am I even writing this? I want to tell a mum (or prospective mum) that needs to hear it — Don’t sell yourself short because you just happen to be in this stage of your life! Continue to believe in yourself and don’t be afraid to have open and honest discussions about the support you need to bring your best self to work. 

And to everyone else, managers, policymakers, and co-workers — think about your role in supporting mums and women in the workplace. Whether you’re a parent or not, a woman or not, consider your team, your colleagues, your family and friends. Listen to them about their individual needs or circumstances, think about adjustments that you can make, and how you can better support them. Make it easier for them because ultimately they make your teams better!